he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize