whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
