I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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