toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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