are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
