is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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