This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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