I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
