operation harelip BJ is a go
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
