he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
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