i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
