Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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