Got a toothbrush?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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