You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
