I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
