He is an equal opportunity slut.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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