his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
