I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
