dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
