I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i came on her dog
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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