Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
