omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
