Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
