I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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