I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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