Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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