woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize