one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were trust falling into bushes
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