Banned from zoo.
Again?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
