I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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