i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
