so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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