I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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