Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
