John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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