People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
