Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
