You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
