Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dick very happy bro
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
