My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
