I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
