If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
