Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
