remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
