Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
