Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
