I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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