I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
