Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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