Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize