Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Houston, we have a squirter
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
