I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
