The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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