The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
