I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
