There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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