I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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