haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
