i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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