go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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