I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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