After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
