I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
