I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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