a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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