dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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