I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
