Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
