Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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