I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
