I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
