So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
